This was a World Cup draw like no other. Crafted less for the teams but for one man.
The choice of venue. The creation of a new trophy. The closing music act.
Donald Trump was lavished with the adulation he craves by FIFA President Gianni Infantino and feels others unfairly deny him.
Knowing how much being overlooked by the Nobel Committee hurt the US president, there was Mr Infantino with FIFA’s newly-created Peace Prize to hand over. And a medal for Mr Trump to wear.
“This is truly one of the great honours of my life,” he said. “And beyond awards, Gianni and I were discussing this. We saved millions and millions of lives.”
This was all on the stage in front of an audience who turned up to find out who they will be playing at the World Cup.
England handed an undaunting route past Croatia, Panama and Ghana. Scotland paired with newcomers Haiti before tricky reunions from their last men’s World Cup in 1998 against Brazil and Morocco.
Pic: Reuters
But the show before the draw could even begin – presided over by Rio Ferdinand – took almost as long as a football match, at 87 minutes after the noon kick-off was delayed.
There was a walk of self-promotion to complete – “I guess they have to wait” – before taking his seat in the Kennedy Center. Or the Trump Kennedy Center as the president takes to calling the venue picked 1.5 miles from the White House.
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“It was falling apart,” he said, delaying the walk into the auditorium. “And now it’s, it’s pretty much back.”
Mr Infantino could only watch on, beaming, at his friend.
“We had a dead country,” Mr Trump went on, “and now we have the hottest country anywhere in the world”.
There was the awkwardness of being reminded, before receiving the peace accolade, about threats to launch military strikes on Venezuela to stop the drugs trade.
“I did settle eight wars, and we have a ninth coming,” he swatted away the question. “Which nobody’s ever done before. But I want to really save lives. I don’t need prizes.”
But FIFA knew how much he wanted more gold for the collection with the prize.
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Donald Trump and FIFA president Gianni Infantino. Pic: Reuters
Pic: Reuters
And for all the mockery and disdain targeted at FIFA, how many sports would relish having the US president spend several hours attending a procedural event determining the placing of teams in groups for a tournament?
How many would dish out the same flattery to secure direct lines to the leader of the nation staging their championship?
Many have benefited from Mr Trump’s stardust and swagger being attached to this spectacle.
Even Port Vale’s most famous fan – Robbie Williams – secured a walk-on role, exceeding his profile this side of the Pond.
And the Village People are reaping the rewards of becoming the unlikeliest of Trump hype acts.
The festivities ended with eyes fixed back up to the presidential seating and the YMCA dance being performed.
This was an afternoon that dispelled any pretence that FIFA keeps a distance from politics. It was unapologetically political. But few speak out in the FIFA world as the redistributed wealth keeps rolling back in their direction.
It would be easy to forget this isn’t entirely America’s World Cup. They’re sharing hosting with Canada and Mexico.
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And eventually the spotlight was ceded to their leaders – very briefly – as Mexican President Claudia Sheinbaum and Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney drew out their countries’ names.
But it did live up to FIFA’s mantra that football can unite the world.
The neighbours were brought together here on a snowy day in Washington. And tensions – often stoked by Mr Trump with Canada and Mexico – thawed in the name of football.
